In case you haven't noticed, women notice everything.
In fact, I have no idea why I even bother buying mirrors anymore, because every flaw in my appearance is usually immediately noticed by the closest female in my path.
I think they're born with this secret power, too, because even my friend Zelda's 11-year old daughter recently asked me "Dave, did you forget to shave this morning? 'Cuz all that hair on your face makes you look OLD!"
And that's just the beginning of my troubles, because it seems that I'm constantly interracting with women who are in possession of this Secret Power: Whether it's the ladies who live on my street, the women at the post office, the girls who hire me for karaoke parties, or the females shopping at the grocery store...
...many of these females point out all the little things that are wrong with my "look": When my colors don't match, when my shirts are too tight (making me look like a stuffed burrito), or too loose (making me look enormous), or even when my shirt has the tiniest little stain; when my socks aren't pulled up all the way, when my shoes are all wrong, or when my haircut is bad, and on and on and on...
Can you imagine the pressure this Secret Power of theirs places on a comparatively clueless bachelor such as myself?
But I refuse to continue fighting Mother Nature in this futile manner, for I now finally realize that I'll never be able to notice everything that a woman notices.
So, now that spring is officially here, here's my plan of action: When I eventually get around to shopping for spring & summer clothing, I will take a WOMAN with me so that I can hold her responsible for any part of my wardrobe that is even the slightest bit wrong!
But who am I trying to fool? I know that, because I will be following the style advice of a female, I will be better dressed this spring than I have been during my entire life!
There's just one part of this Secret Power that I can't figure out, though: When a married woman buys clothes for her husband, is her goal to make him look as good as possible, or to make him look as undesirable to other women as possible?
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That depends on how secure a woman is Dave!!! If she knows her relationship is solid, and that she is a Goddess herself, then she will always present her Husband in the best light. Now some women just unknowingly make their Husbands look like dorks, but if they knowingly make their Husbands look undesirable, then they have to look at their relationships, and themselves a bit closer don't ya think?
ReplyDeleteI think you have a pretty good eye at looking good when you leave the house. For a bachelor, you do well. ;)