Saturday, May 15, 2010


We straight, single men could learn a lot from lesbians. But before I get into the specifics of all that, allow me to state that I have, over the course of the past 20 or so years, FAILED to hook-up with approximately 12 potential girlfriends due to the finely-honed courtship skills of lesbians!

And that's no exaggeration: In head-to-head hooking-up competition, I have been thoroughly beaten by lesbians due to 3 distinct reasons:

The first reason is: Lesbians rarely give up on the chase. They persist until they've either:

A.) Melted the heart of the object of their affection, OR...
B.) Been angrily told to "LEAVE ME ALONE before I
file a sexual harassment lawsuit against you!" Again,
by the object of their affection...

The second reason is: Lesbians aren't nearly as concerned as straight men are about appearing "girly."

Because, after all, they're GIRLS, right? So, most don't think twice about texting/calling the damsel of their dreams, say, 75-100 times a day. Or they might even pop into their dream girl's place of employment every single freakin' day just to say "HI."

Now keep in mind that if I were to behave in a similar manner towards my current crush, I would be labeled as "too needy," "too desperate," and "way too girly!" So you see, there's absolutely no way for me to match these blatant displays of homosexual affection because, at the end of the day, just about every woman secretly loves to be showered with attention, regardless of the source!

And last but not least: How can I possibly hope to go toe-to-toe with a lesbian when it comes to knowing a woman's pleasure zones? Obviously, that would be an impossible challenge because I don't have "access to the equipment" 24 hours a dang day like a lesbian has!

Look, all I'm trying to say here is that I truly admire lesbians because they apparently know how to fulfill all of a woman's needs much better than I. But each time I lose a potential girlfriend to a lesbian, I get a little bit wiser to their skills.

I get a little bit wiser each time.