Stalkers

It's humiliating to know that, according to the National Center for Victims of Crime, EIGHTY SEVEN percent of all stalkers are men!

Men. Can you believe that? I have a hard doing so, because stalking seems like such an effeminate thing to do. I mean, "not being able to let go" and "pining for someone you can't have" seem about as girly as strawberry lip gloss, late-night pillow fights, and choosing between Team Jacob and Team Edward.

The way I see it, these weirdo stalker-dudes just don't have the slightest clue as to what goes on inside a woman's head. So, allow me to give these non-men a quick remedial lesson on the subject of...


How a Woman Chooses a Potential Date:

1.) If an available female smiles at you and makes eye contact, she's interested--at least in some way, shape, or form. If you smile back and say "hello," while taking it kind of slowly and NEVER appearing too eager, you'll have a chance of eventually obtaining her phone number.

2.) If a female doesn't smile nor at least makes eye contact with you, move on to another girl. You have a better chance of finding a $100 dollar bill in the middle of the street than you do of hooking up with a girl who doesn't even acknowledge your existence.


But the deal with these low-life stalkers is that they're so lonely, needy, and pathetic, they'll do anything to get into a relationship. And if that line of thinking isn't adolescent and girly, then I don't know what is.

Now, it's perfectly normal for a man to give in to his girlfriend's desire to enter into a serious commitment because he very much enjoys her company (and doesn't want to lose her to some other guy), but in the normal state of the universe, it's the woman who initiates this type of long-term commitment and not the man!

In other words: LADIES, BEWARE of any "man" who appears way too eager to jump-start a relationship with you, because this type of male is exactly the type of weirdo who potentially has what it takes to one day evolve into your own personal STALKER!

And just one last word of advice to the stalkers: If you simply behave like a man, look as best you can with what you've got, and never try to force a bond between you and the girl of your dreams, then there stands a good chance that she'll at least wonder what it would be like to date you--along with many other observant ladies who respect and adore your "real man" perspective of the world. Now that's nature the way she intended it to be!